Forbidding the friendship can make that friend seem more attractive to your child.
If you have reservations about your child’s friend, there is a strong possibility that your feelings come from an intuitive maternal instinct that the friend in question is not having a good influence on your son one way or the other.
Your feelings may range from mild reservations to intense hatred, you may find this friend annoying because she is loud or disruptive, or because she has a slick tongue, maybe you don’t like her parents or the fact that she never learned to say “please” or “thank you” or to clean up I stained him.
This friend can sometimes be mean to your child, and you hold a grudge against him even though your son has overcome this struggle.
Nicole Perkins, Ph.D., a psychiatrist, explains to Very Family (Verywellfamily), she says, “You may be worried about how a friend’s behavior will affect your child. During the school years, these behaviors can be related to a perceived lack of morals, but it becomes something that makes you uncomfortable and anxious when your child starts imitation.”
Banning friendship will not work
Out of concern for your child, or perhaps just because you don’t want that child, you may want to prevent your child from spending time with your non-best friend, but according to Psychology Today (Psychologytoday), it is preferable not to do so for the most important reasons:
- First, your child is more likely to gossip, stating your opinion directly to his friend and saying, “My parents say I’m not allowed to play with you.” This makes you look mean and may cause problems with the other child’s parents.
- Second, blocking the friendship can make that friend seem more attractive to your child.
- Third: This is a violation, so unless your child is in immediate physical danger, do not try to dictate your opinion on him about his friends.
- Fourth: If your child continues the friendship, even without your desire, this will lead to a rift between you and your son.
In her article on Psychology Today, Elaine Kennedy Moore, Ph.D., psychiatrist, offers some other options for how to act when you don’t like your child’s friend.
Don’t admit it to your children
Admitting that you don’t like your child’s friend will make the rebellious child or teen go in the opposite direction and they are not likely to stop being friends, and instead they will have to deal with the uncomfortable situation of trying to separate you, or watching your reactions with some caution when you are with them Himself.
Try to get to know the friend
If you get to know the other child better, you may be able to discover what your child finds attractive in this friend. Most people have some likable traits, and discovering them may help you put your fears into perspective.
Learn about their relationship
Learn more about the relationship without judgment. Parents can ask questions such as “Tell me about your friend. What do you like about him? What do you enjoy doing together?” Parents may learn something that changes their mind about the friend while opening the lines of communication.
Indirectly alert your child
If you notice something that worries you, or that you think your child is not aware of is a problem, ask questions about the behavior. You might say, “How did you feel when So-and-so said this to you earlier? Are they often so angry?”, “It seems that So-and-so only calls you when he needs something from you,” or “You often look sad after seeing So-and-so, what happened?” “.
Solve problems together
After sharing these notes, give your child a chance to express their point of view as well, and involve them in solving the problem.
Your son is not an angel
Be careful about assuming that any bad behavior is only the other child’s fault; Your child may have been participating, willing or eager, or encouraged a friend to do so. All children make mistakes sometimes, and it is possible that the other child is neither a perfect demon nor a perfect angel.
Receive it in your home
You don’t necessarily have to love everyone your child chooses to make friends with, but if you are worried about something, receive them in your home on the one hand you will support your child socially, as well as you can monitor things if you have concerns about the behavior of the friend, and then take the appropriate reaction .
Be clear about your rules
If there is something the other child is doing that annoys you, it’s best to explain your rules, because different families have different ways of doing things, and it’s not fair to get angry with a child for failing to respect your rules, especially since you didn’t explain them from the start.
For example, you could say, “In our family, we take off our shoes at the door,” “We only eat in the kitchen,” “Please ask before you take something out of the fridge,” or “My bedroom is locked and it’s out of play.”
Guardian writer Joanne McFadden recommends some other steps you should take when making sure you don’t love your child’s boyfriend.
Think long term
Keep in mind, too, that children are constantly growing and changing, so the behaviors that once bothered you may wear off as the friend matures.
So don’t take too much time to change the situation when they may not be in the same school in a few years.
Remember, he is your son’s friend, not your friend
Identify exactly what you don’t like about your son’s friend. Is it possible for you to judge him unfairly for something that does not affect your child, such as your dislike of his parents’ behaviour, for example? Try to make sure that you don’t unfairly project your personal biases or judgments on the child.
Be their third friend
If they are young play with them, and if they are teenagers have a delicious meal with them. You will get to know them better and build a relationship one way or the other, and this will help you realize if your dislike is irrational or if there is a real cause for concern.
If your child’s friend is behaving dangerously or unsafely, intervene immediately by setting strict limits with your child about spending time with that friend. The boundaries may range from saying that the child can come to our house, but you cannot go to their house, and in some situations you may need to say “no” at all to any opportunity for communication.